Myths of the Journey #1
Myth – This wouldn’t have happened if I had been a better spouse.
For many partners, family and friends blame them for their spouses sexual acting out. Many partners get messages that they need to be gentler, more loving, submissive, and sexy. These excuses are a sign of others’ misunderstanding of sexual betrayal. It may be an attempt on the part of the addict to avoid owning the problem and accepting responsibility for getting well. You are not responsible for the addict’s choices. Your behavior as a partner is not what caused your spouse to betray you.
Surveys have indicated that many partners are survivors of sexual abuse. Sexual betrayal is a form of sexual abuse. The feelings of shame and consequences of abuse may keep the partner from accepting her true value. Knowing our true value can protect us from unnecessary self-blame.
As the secrets of the past and present can be dealt with in a safe place, the partner can take a powerful healing journey.
Many partners start their journey with false beliefs that can prevent healing the hurts of sexual betrayal. Challenge the beliefs that lead to self-doubt and depression. Reach out to organizations like The Association for Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS). There are safe places that you need and deserve in your journey of healing.
Adapted from Spouses of Sex Addicts: Hope for the Journey
Richard Blankenship & Joyce Tomblin