Additional Resources from Capstone for Families Coping with Problematic Sexual Behavior and Betrayal Trauma
Details about Problematic Sexual Behavior (sometimes called sex addiction/hypersexuality) and Relational Recovery
Children & Teenagers
Children and teens are being exposed to pornography at earlier ages than ever before. We provide services for children and teenagers with trained specialists. We also have therapists who specialize in working with sexual issues of children. The earlier we can address the issues of problematic sexual behavior, the better the potential outcome.
One recent survey placed the average age of first exposure to pornography for a male in the United States at age 5. Other research indicates it is by age 11 that the average male in the United States will have first viewed pornography. Studies including both boys and girls reveal that the average age of first exposure is 8. Children are growing up with the Internet, and they are much more computer literate than adults. Capstone Sexual Recovery & Transformation is committed to meeting the needs of the entire family.
Our sexually saturated culture has impacted children. Many find a family member's pornography and become hooked themselves. Perhaps they are exposed at the home of a friend. The Internet is a common place in which children find pornography. For many children, their first exposure is accidental and it can lead to disastrous results.
Capstone Sexual Recovery & Transformation has worked with a number of children impacted by problematic sexual behavior with great success. We have individual therapists who can help children cope with the trauma of early exposure to sexually stimulating images. We can also provide resources for the entire family as they make these adjustments.
Children and the Internet
Parenting throughout the lifespan is challenging. There are no step-by-step manuals on raising children. At times it can be so overwhelming that parents feel out of options. The impact of Internet pornography and a sexually saturated culture often leave parents feeling helpless. Out of the love and care that parents have for their children, they choose to contact outside help for their child to cope with some of life’s touchy problems. Trained child and adolescent specialist are available to help with these issues. Parents know the challenges of raising kids in our culture today. Parents know the feelings of desperation as children grow up and face challenges and transitions. Play therapy and working with teens is a way to help navigate the often difficult transitions from childhood into adulthood.
Facts about children and pornography
- The average age of first exposure to pornography for children is age 8.
- Some pornographers have targeted children in their advertising.
- The number one way adults with problematic sexual behavior were first exposed to pornography was finding it in their home.
- As children use the Internet for homework and interacting with friends, they often experience accidental exposure to pornography, and can become hooked.
- The earlier this problem is treated, the more likely you are to prevent a lifetime of sexual acting out with pornography.
Capstone Sexual Recovery & Transformation has worked with children who were harmed by Internet pornography as young as age 5 (both boys and girls.) The impact on children is staggering. The counseling services of Capstone Counseling and Coaching can help you heal the damage that may have been done to your child by early exposure, and can work with you on developing a healthy program of sex education for your children and family.
Recovery Coaching
What is the difference between counseling and coaching?
Counseling may be more focused on what is wrong in the clients life and the counselor gives insight and direction for overcoming whatever it is that is wrong. Coaching, on the other hand, is not designed to be an “expert – non-expert” type of relationship. Coaching is more of a partnership. Our coaches get with the client to determine what the clients passions and goals are. They will then work together to determine what needs to be done to get from where the client is to where he / she desires to go. The coach's job is to help the client stay focused on their hopes and dreams. To ask them questions to help them figure out what changes need to take place for their dreams to become reality. The coaching relationship is very results oriented. Recovery coaching will also address maintaining long term recovery in practical ways.
What does the coaching relationship look like?
The specifics will vary for each person, but typically the coach and the client will have one to five fairly brief telephone conversations a week. (The time will depend on exactly what needs to be accomplished in each conversation.) In addition to these scheduled phone calls, there may be e-mail contact on a regular basis to make sure that things are staying on track. Typically the day before a scheduled call the client will e-mail an activity report to the coach that will answer important questions.
Once the coach receives this information they can then begin the phone conversation already prepared to dive right in and get to work.
Coaching relationships can last anywhere from a few weeks to several years. Because it is a long term commitment clients commit to a set period time. Fees are based upon the number of sessions needed (usually charged to a credit card on the first of each month). A discount is available for those clients who prepay for multiple months at a time.
Mens Intensive Workshop
Men's intensive workshops take place in two different formats. Individual intensives are structured on a case-by-case basis. They have lasted as little as two days and as many as thirty. Group intensives are done in a 3-day format described later in this section. Group intensives are often sponsored by a counseling center, recovery program, church/faith group, or some type of recovery community. For specific details contact the program director, Richard Blankenship.
Problematic sexual behavior (sometimes called sexual addiction/hypersexuality) is an intimacy disorder. Intimacy is about connecting and being real with each other. The focus of our men's workshops is on finding ways to heal the wounds of PSB and meet these needs in healthy ways. Rebuilding trust, respect, safety, and hope will help create relationships in which intimacy can grow. Our workshops will equip you with the tools necessary for your journey of transformation and recovery.
Workshop Topics:
- Basics of problematic sexual behavior
- Understanding the type of problematic sexual behavior the individual is dealing with
- Understanding the change process
- The role of neurochemistry and co-occurring disorders
- Understanding your history
- Understanding and treating core wounds
- Building empathy – how to relate to your traumatized partner
- Rebuilding trust
- Breaking the cycle: helping and protecting your kids
- Your personal recovery plan
- And many, many more…
Group Intensive Schedule and Fees:
Intensive workshops typically start at 9:00 a.m. on Friday and conclude at 6:00 p.m. on Sunday. Some may take place earlier in the week. We try to locate close to major airports in settings appropriate for the work that we do. We only give out the exact location of the retreat to registered participants in order to protect confidentiality. Fees are typically $800-1100 per person if registered 15-30 days in advance. Prices vary depending on location and workshop logistics. We can assist you in finding a roommate during this workshop if you stay in a hotel. We find this helps create safety and accountability.
Couples Intensive Workshops
The Sacred Space
We conduct individual intensives for couples tailored to fit your needs. Retreats typically take place as needed. Weekend intensives usually start at 1 pm Friday and conclude by 3 pm Sunday. Some are sponsored by counseling centers, churches, or recovery programs.
Individual intensives can be done over a period of 2-7 days depending on the needs of the couple.
The Sacred Space weekends exist to address the importance of intimacy development in marriages impacted by problematic sexual behavior and betrayal trauma.
Intimacy
Intimacy is about connecting and being real with each other. The focus of our couple’s weekends is on finding ways to strengthen intimate connections in marriage. Rebuilding trust, respect, safety, and hope will help create relationships in which intimacy can grow. It’s much deeper than communication and conflict resolution. Our activities are designed to remove barriers to intimacy and help you reconnect in your marriage. They will also deepen and strengthen the bonds between husbands and wives.
What Makes The Sacred Space Unique?
The Sacred Space retreats are experiential. This means that you will be an active part of the process. Many marriage enrichment seminars involve sitting and listening to lectures and taking home a notebook full of material which is rarely used again. Our experiential weekends for couples will not involve long lectures. Instead of sending you home to do the work, we “coach” you through it while you are at the retreat. This work is done under the guidance of our staff of therapists. We limit the number of couples per small group in order to maximize the time we can spend working with each couple.
Schedule and Fees
Retreats typically start at 1:00 p.m. on Friday and conclude no later than 4:00 p.m. on Sunday. We try to locate close to major airports in settings appropriate for the work that we do. We only give out the exact location of the retreat to registered participants in order to protect confidentiality. Fees depend on the setting for the workshops. Some are done as an all-inclusive package with meals and lodging. Others are done where participants provide their own meals and lodging and may commute from home. When we use a retreat center, we normally use state parks, or hotels with suites and convention meeting space. The cost for the weekend will normally include all meals, lodging, materials, and activities. Exceptions will be listed on individual retreat flyers. It’s best if couples arrange for childcare and stay at the retreat site, even if they are local. We will work with you and make adjustments if this isn’t possible. Scholarship funds are sometimes available.
Registration
Discounted rates are available to those who register at least 30 days in advance. Due to commitments to retreat facilities, we cannot refund fees within 30 days of the retreat. Registration can be done over the phone, email, or fax. Upon receipt of your registration and fees, we will send you paperwork to complete prior to coming to the retreat. The retreat location is given only to registered participants. There will be an advance deadline for completing intake forms so that the staff can prepare to meet your needs.Contact us to register after a date is announced.
Couples Intensives
Couples Intensives can also be done for one couple at a time. On average, these range from 2-7 days. Couples often come to Atlanta or may bring out staff to your location. The couples intensive may involve working a few hours a day and sending a couple out with homework to complete prior to the next day. Some couples intensives involve the couple spending the weekend in a cabin/retreat setting with two of our therapists and doing intense work for 2-3 days. Prices vary depending on the setting and number of hours. Contact the program director, Richard Blankenship for details.
SCHEDULE APPOINTMENT
Disclosure Intensives
For couples in Atlanta as well as outside of the Atlanta area, Richard Blankenship and Dr. Janice Stevens offer therapeutic disclosure intensives. Both Richard and Janice are certified betrayal trauma specialists through the Addo Recovery Network. Richard is a certified clinical sexual & relational recovery specialist. Janice is a certified clinical sexual addiction specialist and certified clinical partner specialist through APSATS. Richard is one of the developers of the trauma perspective on betrayed partners and a founding board member of APSATS.
Dr. Stevens has put together some information on the process.
"For those of us who work with problematic sexual behavior and their partners/spouses, we recognize that the path toward recovery and healing is multi-dimensional. It is a path that follows the roller-coaster effect with many ups and downs and may not smooth out for many months or even years into the journey. There are a number of pieces that need to be put into place if each individual and the couple are to be successful.
In recent years, Richard Blankenship and I have developed a program intended to help couples through the difficult but necessary process of therapeutic disclosure. This can be a painful process for both the individual with PSB and the intimate partner. It is critical to make sure that all secrets have ended and all lies have been exposed."
Therapeutic disclosures are done in an intensive format over a 2-3 day period. These involve preparation in advance with an online meeting. Couples normally arrive in Atlanta by early afternoon and begin the process late afternoon. Day two may involve a polygraph (if the couples chooses to incorporate one into the process) and then the disclosure session takes place. Day three involves making plans for ongoing care when the couple returns home. This can include referrals to therapists, groups, coaches, and online services.
Goals of the Disclosure Intensives
- Get to know and understand the couple and their story well enough in order to guide them through the disclosure process.
- Guide the individual with problematic sexual behavior in developing a timeline of sexual history and composing the disclosure statement so that all secrets can be revealed and put an end to all lies. Ensure that the statement is truthful without retraumatizing the partner with graphic detail.
- Educate the partner to understand some of the typical patterns of problematic sexual behavior, and assist her in developing any questions that she would like to have answered within the disclosure statement or as part of the polygraph exam.
- Aid both the individual with PSB and the partner in processing their feelings and reactions following the reading of the disclosure statement.
- Guide the couple in making a plan for the individual recovery and sobriety from sexual acting out behaviors, for the partner’s healing from betrayal trauma, and for reconciliation in the marriage/relationship if the couple desires.
In Conclusion
Because lying is a part of the betrayer's pattern and is used to cover up his acting out behaviors, the partner will have the option of asking the individual with PSB to undergo a polygraph exam with a licensed polygrapher who is trained and experienced in administering the exam for relationship issues. The polygraph is a complex process. There are many misconceptions about the polygraph. In preparing for the intensive we will help you process through this issue and determine if it is something you would like included in your intensive.
Facilitating a Disclosure Intensive for couples can be challenging but rewarding work. Each and every couple is distinctly unique regarding their personalities, family of origin issues, patterns and types of sexual acting out behaviors, and relationship patterns that have been established. Working as a therapist team allows us to better take all of these and many other factors into account. The rewarding part of the work comes about as we see the remarkable movement that each individual and the couple makes from beginning to end of the 10-hour process with us. While the process is difficult, therapeutic disclosure is a mile marker in the couples journey.