In 2001, I did a workshop entitled “Helping Your Kids Through Televised Horror” in the wake of the September 11 attacks on the United States. It was hard to cope with. One thing I realized that morning was that this would be a modern-day Pearl Harbor. I never thought our homeland would be attacked. At the time, my children were 8 and 2. I knew my oldest would have some awareness and that I would need to talk with her about it. Just as my generation never expected to experience anything like Pearl Harbor, people today never expected to experience shootings in elementary, middle, and high schools. Children have more exposure through media to graphic details of these events. Finding ways to have age-appropriate conversations is challenging. There is no script we are given for this in the parenting books. How do you even start the conversation? When my daughter came home from school on September 11, 2001, I simply asked her what she knew and what the teacher had told her about it. I would start a conversation today the same way. My guess is that as active as kids are online, they will know a lot more than kids did in 2001. Ask them what questions or concerns they might have. Encourage their expression of emotions. You might provide a feeling wheel or a tool that will help them name their emotions. Be careful with details for younger children. Provide reassurance that you will be caring for them. Provide the comfort that they desire. In the Internet age, prepare to address misinformation and sensationalism. As we know the Internet isn’t always a reliable source of information for world events. Especially with tragedies like school shootings. You can pretty much count on the story changing after 24 hours. It takes awhile for the truth to come out. Children may revert to behaviors like bed wetting or sucking their thumb. Avoid criticizing them for this type of behavior. Remember that children are communicating through their behavior. It’s possible that children will be afraid to go to school. Perhaps they will struggle with sleep or may become aggressive. Older children may deny they are upset and begin to complain of physical symptoms. Some might become oppositional to authority figures. Depression and sleep disturbance are common. All of these reactions are normal, but if they persist for more than 2-4 weeks it’s a good idea to seek professional help. Practical tools for helping your child cope: Limit exposure to the Internet and forms of media. With the 24 hour “news” cycle, it’s easy to lose track of time and become saturated in commentaries and sensationalized footage. Avoid the blame game. Especially be careful with references to different cultures, racial or ethic groups. This will typically stir negativity and avoids placing responsibility for such evil where it belongs. Spend extra time with your children. Have times where feelings and fears are shared openly and comfort and reassurance is provided on a consistent basis. Listen carefully . Children will tell you what their needs are. Younger children may do well with puppets. The child may not have a vocabulary, but it’s amazing how much a puppet on the hand of a child will share with you. Play therapy can be powerful for younger children. Process your own emotions. Try to be a stable presence in your child’s life. Even if you need professional help to do so. Take action. One elementary school talked about a quote from Mr. Rogers where he emphasized “look for the helpers.” One class wrote thank you notes to the first responders. Don’t ridicule people for thoughts and prayers. So many people feel helpless in the wake of tragedies. It may represent their own grief and their desire to be helpful. It shows people still care. No – it doesn’t need to stop there. Nor should people be shamed for expressing their concern in this way. Take care of yourself. It’s hard to go through horror like this for adults. Rely on your support system as you go through these events. It’s hard to talk about them. Self-care can lead to better child-care. Richard Blankenship is the clinical director of Capstone Counseling and Coaching in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information on services at Capstone, visit our website at www.capstoneatlanta.com .