A logo for capstone counseling and coaching with a blue circle in the middle.

5 Ways to Begin to Move Beyond Your Betrayal Trauma

Capstone Counseling and Coaching - 5 Ways to Begin to Move Beyond Your Betrayal Trauma

Studies indicate that nearly 70% of partners will develop symptoms of PTSD after discovering a betrayal. In addition to post-traumatic symptoms, you'll likely experience a devastating sense of loss. As a result, the grief you're experiencing can be overwhelming. In fact, you may not know how to begin to move beyond your betrayal trauma. 


Betrayal trauma can occur after your spouse betrays your trust or violates your sense of security and safety. There are many circumstances that may lead to this very disruptive experience. Examples of betrayal trauma include discovering a porn or sex addiction, infidelity, or a financial betrayal. In an instant, you may feel like life has flipped upside-down. 


In this article, we'll talk about betrayal trauma. We'll discuss 5 ways to help you begin to heal and move forward. 

Capstone Counseling and Coaching - What symptoms of betrayal trauma could you experience?

What symptoms of betrayal trauma could you experience? 

There are many symptoms of betrayal trauma. Like many, you may develop and experience depression, anxiety, and feelings of hopelessness. Likewise, you may be overwhelmed with anger, fear, and grief. It's not uncommon to experience physical symptoms as well. For example, you might develop sleeplessness, irritability, headaches, nausea, and loss of appetite. 


It's also common to have mood swings as your thoughts shift from one moment to another. Likewise, you may have difficulty focusing or making decisions. You may feel like you have outbursts of anger and wonder why. Furthermore, you may begin pulling away from others, leading to isolation and loneliness. Betrayal trauma can dysregulate your emotions and impact your physical and mental well being. 


The hope in all of this is, although you're suffering now, you don't have to suffer forever. You deserve to heal, regardless of whether your partner takes ownership and changes. 


Capstone Counseling and Coaching - 5 ideas to help women overcome betrayal trauma

5 ideas that may help you begin to heal from betrayal trauma

The variety of symptoms you're experiencing are normal reactions of betrayal trauma. Over time, symptoms are not likely to fade away. On the contrary, without support, you may push your emotions down, causing further emotional and physical issues. 


Let's talk about 5 things you can do that may help you begin to move forward with your betrayal trauma. 

  1. Acknowledge your emotions. An important component to both your mental and physical health is to acknowledge your emotions. If you have a trusted friend or family member, reach out to them to talk about what you're experiencing. You can also write down your thoughts and emotions. 
  2. Meditate. A component of restoring your physical and mental health will be giving your mind and body rest. Meditation allows you to quiet your thoughts and can help you begin to regulate your emotions. 
  3. Self-care. An important part of your mental and physical health is self-care. Putting your needs first may be difficult or a new experience for you. However, at this time, it becomes crucial to your healing. 
  4. Seek support. A betrayal can instantly shatter your sense of reality. Like many, you may not feel comfortable talking about the situation or your experience with friends or family. However, that doesn't erase your need for support. There are many online resources available such as BloomforWomen.com
  5. In addition to online resources, individual therapy may be the best way to begin your healing process. If your relationship is going to heal, you will likely need couples therapy. However, in order for you to heal, you may need specific treatment for betrayal trauma.


Capstone Counseling and Coaching - We specialize in helping women with betrayal trauma

Where can I find help for Betrayal Trauma? 

If you are ready to seek treatment for betrayal trauma, you'll want to find a therapist who specializes in helping you heal. 

  1. We won't blame you for your spouse's actions. 
  2. You won't be labeled as co-dependent the moment you tell us your partner has an addiction. 
  3. We will not shame you, regardless of whether you choose to stay in your relationship or end it. 


At Capstone Counseling and Coaching, we aim to create an environment of safety and trust to help you through your journey of healing. We would love to talk to you more about your betrayal trauma experience. Visit our website or call us today. 


FAQ -Betrayal Trauma

  • What is betrayal trauma?

    Betrayal trauma can occur after your spouse betrays your trust or violates your sense of security and safety. There are many circumstances that may lead to betrayal trauma. Examples of betrayal trauma include discovering a porn or sex addiction, infidelity, or a financial betrayal. In an instant, you may feel like life has flipped upside-down.  Learn more


  • What symptoms of betrayal trauma could you experience?

    It's also common to have mood swings as your thoughts shift from one moment to another. Likewise, you may have difficulty focusing or making decisions. You may feel like you have outbursts of anger and wonder why. Furthermore, you may begin pulling away from others, leading to isolation and loneliness. Betrayal trauma can dysregulate your emotions and impact your physical and mental well being. Learn more

  • Where can I find help for Betrayal Trauma?

    At Capstone Counseling and Coaching, we aim to create an environment of safety and trust to help you through your journey of healing. We would love to talk to you more about your betrayal trauma experience. Visit our website or call us today.  


Schedule Appointment
February 1, 2025
That moment is etched in your memory: your child, frozen with anxiety, unable to join their friends at the birthday party. Or perhaps it was their first day of school or a routine doctor's visit that triggered an unexpected meltdown. As parents, these moments hit us like a physical force – we feel our child's fear in our own bodies, and our instinct screams to protect them at all costs. What if the most powerful way to support your anxious child isn't about changing their behavior at all, but about transforming your own response to their anxiety?
December 9, 2024
The Mental Health Struggles of Gen Z
December 3, 2024
How Your Donation  to our "Give The Gift Of Support" campaign will help to transform lives
December 1, 2024
Unlock Deep Relaxation: The Self-Care Suite is Here
A boy is standing in a classroom with his arms crossed.
By Sara Hong APC June 26, 2024
Signs to Look For....
By Lori Rader-Jacobs March 7, 2024
Help Resolve Conflict with Your Partner
By Sunamita Tuple, MS, EdS, LPC July 10, 2023
Pornography is not just a guy thing. Women watch porn too and become addicted to the dopamine rush in much the same way as men. Some statistics report an estimate as high as 60.2 % of all women and 57% of girls ages 14-18 as having viewed pornography and research suggests that women make up a significant percentage of those with porn addiction, as high as one-third of all addicts. Although less women than men access pornographic websites, it is also worth noting that women are more likely to use other forms of pornographic material (and some may not even realize it) such as erotica books or romance novels, movie or TV scenes, social media such as Instagram or TikTok, magazines, erotic blogs, video games, chatrooms and/or sexting. This is because men and women’s brain are wired differently. Men are wired to be visually stimulated and viewing erotic images leads the brain to produce large amounts of dopamine and this can be very addictive. Women are more relationally stimulated and while women do become addicted to visual pornography, most don’t get the same high as men. Instead, it is the romantic relationship that gets the dopamine flowing. Therefore, the more eroticizing the relationship, the more dopamine gets produced and this can be highly addictive. How do women end up in porn use? Some women have accessed pornography out of curiosity, to obtain information when healthy messages about sexuality were scarce or non-existent, some have discovered it accidently, some were exposed to it at an early age by someone they knew, some were introduced to it by a romantic partner or encouraged or coerced by a romantic partner as an adjunct to their sexual repertoire, and some may have willingly sought it to get tips/ideas or to set the mood with or even keep a significant other, and others use porn as a visual aid while self pleasuring. Although porn addiction negatively impacts both genders, the effect is more devastating for women. Women are more likely to feel a greater sense of shame because of stigma and society’s sexual double standard and are less likely to come forward and ask for help. Fearing being viewed as loose or a slut, they may struggle in isolation and guilt for a longer period of time and experience greater rates of depression, anxiety and loneliness. Women are more prone to negative body image and lowered self esteem, they may have unrealistic expectations around sexual behaviors and performance and have a higher sense of personal inadequacy and may feel more pressured to perform pornographic acts, accept rape myths, are at greater risk of sexual assault and domestic violence and experience increased marital rape. Viewing more frequent and more intense forms of porn may lead to losing interest in sex that doesn’t live up to the same extreme material they are watching and may experience difficulty in arousal and orgasm with a partner and have to finish by themselves. When not viewing porn, these women may feel down, depressed, irritable, and may lead them to keep searching for porn and eventually more extreme erotic material. Like men, women can justify their use of pornography by seeing it as harmless entertainment and because its only fantasy and doesn’t involve anyone else, there’s nothing wrong with it. However, the reality is that it is very harmful and even dangerous as studies have shown that women who struggle with porn are more willingly to meet with strangers they’ve met in chat rooms or through social media. This sets the stage for unfavorable situations such as being stood up, used by the man to fulfil his sexual fantasy in a one night stand, being drugged and raped or even possibly meet up with a murderer. Pornography addiction, like all sexual addiction, is an intimacy disorder and this is especially harmful to women who place an emphasis on the relational aspect of it. When the means you look towards to fulfill emotional/relational/intimacy needs leaves you empty, alone and ashamed, it creates powerful and deeply rooted negative schemas of identity and worth. Feeling ashamed, alone, lonely and depressed and seeking ways to cope, escape or numb the pain, they turn to their faithful friend, Pornography, who is always present and available, easily accessible, never disappoints and always delivers, fueling the cycle of addiction. Many women feel hopeless and powerless in their struggle and due to the nature of the problem, it is not easily identifiable. More education and awareness is needed for parents, youth sex education programs, church leaders, and medical professionals. There is help for porn addiction and resources are becoming more widely available. There are therapists trained to specifically treat and support women’s struggle with porn addiction. You are not alone in your recover!
By Sarah Ramsay BC-TMH, LMFT May 16, 2023
How Can I Get Unstuck?
By Dr. Janice Stevens LPC, NCC March 16, 2023
Self Care Isn't Selfish, It's Essential.
Differences between a betrayal trauma coach and therapist
By Lisa Shanklin May 19, 2022
It’s important to understand these significant differences between a betrayal trauma coach and a therapist.
More Posts
Share by: